Give Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

somebody give me a peanut I just ate an epipen

Yo look they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine yay yay don't drink too much of it you might turn into a wine rabbit.

I'm really bad at giving directions. But, don't take that the wrong way.

yo mamas so hot when she walked into subway she gave me a foot long

What does 9/11 and covid-19 have in common? I couldn't give a fuck about either

An old lady walks into an ice cream store. Clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today ma'am...we have every flavor you can imagine". Old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream". The clerk says, "Sorry ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have". ""Ok" she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream". The clerk says just a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream". The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?". Finally totally exasperated the clerk says, "Wait a minute lady. Can you spell Van as in vanilla?". "Why of course young man" she says, "V-A-N". "Right" the clerk says, "Can you spell Straw as in strawberry?". "Well of course, Straw", she replied. "Ok then" he says, "Now spell Fuck as in chocolate". She says, "There's no Fuck in chocolate". He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!".

Last week was my BLIND friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need. As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grader for a birthday present he sets it next to him. As weeks past he comes up to me. He said " That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I has ever read"

Jackie gives better head than Marilyn.

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back... The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”

“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”

If you give this a thumbs down your gay if you give it a thumbs up your straghit

A dwarf walks into a bar.He ask for a shot of whiskey.The bartender gives him the 🥃 and it turn into a gallon of whiskey.The bartender sees this and takes it back and it turns back into a shot of whiskey.

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender “give me 2 beers”. The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guys beers bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender “hey what are u doing I didn’t order for bud lights I want corona beer”. The bartender replies “ sir I gave you a mix of bud light and corona and it’s on the house everyone is drinking corona tonight”.

do you want to give your life to God and be in heaven

Never drink tea in school... L give people tea if they've passed out....tea can be nice but only havd it once a day... Its not what you think..... Its not tea its CPR