I got sent to the principal's office for giving an orphan kid a family-size pack.
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
"Never gonna give you up."
What’s the best thing about midgets??
They don’t need to bend while giving blowjobs.
Why are orphans always on the toilet?
Because they don't have anyone to give them some toilet paper!
Ok, ok, who is trying to be my "long lost brother"? Because last time I checked, I didn't have any sisters or brothers, so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up. A lot of other people already know you are fake, so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!
I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.
Me: Can you give me some drumsticks to eat?
Brother: Why though?
Me: So I can just drum up an appetite.
The waiter comes and asks you for the check. Instead I give him a 20 dollar bill and say, "Boy, you can keep it!"
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
“Wills”
Are they a dead giveaway!
When I am getting bored, I hold a banana and start shaking it suddenly. It gives out juice after a few minutes. I get excited. Ohhhhhh!
Try with a cucumber.
If I worked for Edexcel, I'd give Caroline Flack an A* for her physics experiment.
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?
Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
Hahahahahahahaha what a knee slapper!
When a pregnant lady gives birth, it looks like she is having an erection.
You can't give an orphan homework.
President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!!
Man: We have the power of the sun itself!
President: Drop it on them!
Man: You push the button.
President: *sigh* Fine give it to me.
Man: Hands over button
President: Pushes it
Both: YAAA!
President: Bumps into the button pressing it again
Both: Oh, sh*t!
Meanwhile in Japan after the first bomb went off
Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again
I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and I will try to make a joke based off the object.
If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.
I will give the person credit each joke I do.
