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I wondered why the ball was getting bigger... then it hit me.

There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.

Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.

Why did the kid with Down syndrome get expelled?

He was always tardy.

Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.

The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.

The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.

Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.

Babies are like airstrikes; they get aborted.

I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.

I hate when my class want to play hangman. Not because they hang a man, but because I get jealous.

Q: How did the explorers get to school?

A: They rode the Colum-bus!

Why did the bee get married?

Because she found her honey.

A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"

Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"

What do you get when you cross Donald Trump with Fregley?

Orange juice.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

Why did Sally get a black eye?

Because she tried to play patty cake.

According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.

How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.

How do you get them back out? Straw.

What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?

A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.

Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!

Me: But Billy's with her right now.

Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM

Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.

Where did Milky Way get its degree?

At the university.