Get jokes
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. My friend's already on stage 4.
Yo mama is so Jewish that pennies run away from getting pinched by her.
I complained to my landlord that carpenter ants were getting into the timbers. He was dismissive.
"They're Karen Carpenter ants, they don't eat much of anything."
What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?
A dictator.
What does Meg do when she gets a cold sore?
She bathes in diarrhea.
How do you get a trans woman to commit suicide?
Use he/him pronouns on him.
I love your hair today.
How did you get it to come out your nose like that?
What do dicks and Rubik's Cubes have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
What is the difference between a zebra and a female NCO?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
A kindergarten teacher is chatting with little John. The teacher asks John, "John, can you get me some pencils?" John replies, "Sure, I'll do it!" and accidentally knocks over a vase.
The teacher says, "Oh, John!"
John asks, "What does that mean?" The teacher replies, "It's kind of a synonym for 'You loser!'"
What's the best part about duck tape?
It turns "No, no, no!" into "Mmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm!"
It makes it real easy to get to home base on that first date, too.
Kim Jong Il: Knock knock.
Political Prisoner: Who's there?
Kim Jong Il: Boo.
Political Prisoner: Boo who?
Kim Jong Il: Boo hoo? Don't cry just because I executed your wife and enslaved your children. You at least get to eat today, my friend.
What do a Rubik's Cube and a dick have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
What is the best revenge for getting punished at school?
Go shoot up the school.
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.
It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️
Dschoha's wife was accustomed to go out at night to meet her lover, which caused the neighbors to tease Dschoha. Thus, one night he stayed awake until she left, then locked the door and sat down just inside.
Upon returning, she found the door locked. She asked him to have mercy on her and to open the door, but he just scolded her.
Having given up hope for a good outcome, she said to him, "If you don't open the door for me, I'll jump into the well."
Then she picked up a large stone and threw it into the well. Filled with regret, he ran outside to see what had happened. His wife immediately slipped into the house and locked the door.
He made every effort to convince her to let him come inside, but she scolded him incessantly, saying, "This is what you get for staying out all night with your drunken friends!" And thus she succeeded in shaming him in the presence of all their neighbors.
Why do Russians drink grizzly bear piss?
Since vodka in Russia is so weak, Russians need a strong drink to get drunk.
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Getting them back in the wheelchair.