Get jokes

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.

What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?

They know how to get a beat down.

What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?

Strong to the finish.

Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?

Because they’ll get chapped lips.

If a prostitute is celebrating her birthday, does she get a hoecake?

Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?

A. Crayons.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.

The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"

The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."

What are Michael Jackson's favorite sodas? Yoo-hoo-hoo and Mountain Dew-hoo-hoo. What cola company should people get to keep him at bay? Pep-see-hee.

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

Q. What does a slutty mermaid get? A. Crabs.

Why did Marxism never catch on in England?

Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?

He-he-eat!

Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.

Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.

What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.