Get jokes

A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.

The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."

So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!

Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?

A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.

Q. What does a slutty mermaid get? A. Crabs.

What is a paedo's favourite time of year?

Halloween because they get free delivery.

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.

Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!

How do you get a baby out of a blender?

With Doritos!

What's the difference between me and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

What kind of cold flu do the Japanese get? The Koflu.

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

Why don’t Asians get stung by bees?

Because they are always expected to get “A’s.”

Your mum is so fat that when you walk around her, you get lost.

Are you getting tired of life? Yes? Then call 180 go fuck yourself.

It's not our problem.com That's 180 go fuck yourself it's not our problem.com

Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!

*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?

Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?

Sans: What do you call them?

Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.