Get jokes

Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.

Jokes are like Indians.

They never die, they just get reincarnated.

What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?

They both get a lot of crack.

Me yelling every gay slur to get suspended.

I’m in catholic school.

Why do orphans enjoy playing tennis?

It's the only way they’ll get love.

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

How do you get a white girl to suck your dick?

Put ranch dressing on it.

Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

What does gum in my d*ck have in common?

Both get chewed on by little kids.

Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

The terrorists both say, "A beer."

The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?

An erection!

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.

"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"

Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"

They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.

My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!

Hello guys, imagine if we had no school and we get to do whatever we want without parents telling us what to do! What place would you want to call it and what would the fun things we get to do be? I would call it "Happy world for kids." Leave a comment telling me what it would be called! Enjoy! :)

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple gets picked.

What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?

Cancer.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.

Miss you dad.