Get jokes
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.
What time is it when you get home and you walk, walk home and walk, walk home?
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
What does an electric-type Pokémon say when they get gassy while drinking milk?
I’m Zaptos intolerant!
If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.
I went to school with a gay guy who was really smart, but he always got mad that he got straight A's instead of getting all the D's.
Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.
Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?
People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.
The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!