Get jokes

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

What is Green and Red and goes round and round?

A frog in a blender.

(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)

What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?

One can support an average family.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...

A piece of cake.

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.

What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?

He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

Halloween joke:

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?

A blood test.

Why do orphans eat an ice cream cone?? They can't afford a family pack.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

Why did my dad cross the road?

To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree? The apples get picked.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.

You get paper cuts on each eye and walk off a cliff.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.

Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.

The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets, until it's too light to light.