Get jokes

What do a blonde and a doorknob have in common?

Everyone gets a turn ;)

What do you get when you cross Donald Trump with Fregley?

Orange juice.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

Why did Sally get a black eye?

Because she tried to play patty cake.

According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.

How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.

How do you get them back out? Straw.

Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!

Me: But Billy's with her right now.

Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM

Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.

What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?

A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.

Where did Milky Way get its degree?

At the university.

How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.

Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?

Teacher: 203

Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?

Teacher: You can't.

Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?

Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.

The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?

Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.

Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.

Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?

Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?

Student: No, the alligators are at the party.

Sally dies anyway, how?

Teacher: She frowned?

Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.

Orphans can get away with anything really bad at school, because they can't be sent home for it.

Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:

Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).

Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.

Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!

Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.

What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

I didn't get the joke at first, then it hit me like a plane.

Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.

Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.

Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.