I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.
German Jokes
Why is the German blind?
Because he's a "not see."
What is the one sauce Germans avoid on their steak?
"Ajous".
What is Hitler's favorite food? A hindenburger.
6 Germans walk into a bar... and only three walk out.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
What do you call a blind German? Someone who can't Nazi!
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
Why does Hitler need glasses?
Because he could Nazi.
Q: What is Germany's favorite board game?
A: Nahtzee (Yahtzee).
Meaning behind the German flag: 🇩🇪 Black: culture Red: Beer Yellow: Sausage Blue: Winning world wars.
GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"
What did the captured Germans say to the French in WW1?
"Verdun for."
German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys.
American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun.
African XP farms: Cotton field.
Your race's favorite Star Wars Characters:
Arab...Admiral Ackbar (Allahu Akbar)
East Asian...Qui-Gon Jinn (Ching-Chong-Wing-Wong)
Jew...Rey (Ray)
Black...BB-8 (BBC)
Italian...Jabba the Hutt (Pizza Hut)
German...Admiral Piett (Hitler)
It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
Fuck you, German kids, especially [those who are] alive.
A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.
Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.
The French: "But how did you do it?"
The Italian: "I killed one."
The German: "So what?"
The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
