German jokes
Me: "My grandpa killed 100 nazis."
My friend: "Well, my grandpa killed Hitler."
Why are Germans good at smoking?
They had experience with smoking.
You walk inside a building, then you see a blind German, then you call him his name.
Answer: Nazi.
How do you become with NATO? Promise no more world wars by secretly performing military practices behind their back.
It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
All germs are from GERMany.
Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.
Why can’t Germans call a taxi? *does taxi calling motion*
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
you.
Ines.
What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?
A-doll Hitler!
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
What did the captured Germans say to the French in WW1?
"Verdun for."
My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...
He fell from a tower.
What is the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin.
I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."
How could the German people fall for Hitler and the Nazis?
There were an awful lot of red flags!
GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"
What is the one sauce Germans avoid on their steak?
"Ajous".