I don't say funny stuff because I'm afraid they will take the German passport from me.
German Jokes
Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."
Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
When in Poland people go to a house party, and the atmosphere is bad, nobody is talking, they say: "Is there a German here?"
What do you call a German lesbian?
A krautmuncher.
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.
Q: What's a German's favorite Undertale character?
A: Gaster.
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
I asked the little German girl to rate our sex between 1-10. She kept crying and shouting "9!"
That's the best I've done so far.
The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
you.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
Me: "My grandpa killed 100 nazis."
My friend: "Well, my grandpa killed Hitler."
I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"
What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
