German jokes

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.

In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.

Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?

Sparkling water was invented by Germans. Who else would add gas?

What do you call German weed?

Mustard Gas.

Deutsch: Die, die nichts zu sagen haben, reden viel. Die, die was zu sagen haben, hingegen kaum.

Why are Germans so good at cleaning?

They have experience in ethnic cleansing.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

What’s a German’s favorite drink? Orange Jews. Hundred percent concentrated.

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

What is the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin.

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map of North America.

"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.

The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.

"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"

The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.

"Where is Germany again, Father?"

He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.

Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."

"Yes?"

"Has Hitler seen this map?"

Chuck Norris one-shot down a German fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling "bang!"

What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?

A-doll Hitler!

TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.

I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.

I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.

Hitler.

Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.

The nearest approximation to a perpetuum mobile would be a Swabian chasing a Scot because of money.

(Swabians are the Scots of Germany regarding finances.)

Did you hear about the German girl being raped by 10 men? She shouted, "nein, nein," so one of them left.