German jokes
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.
Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.
The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.
A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.
Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute."
She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office.
The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.
He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."
Why is the German blind?
Because he's a "not see."
Germany is...
All germs are from GERMany.
My bro had siblings who survived they could have helped him at any moment and now we have people around with the last name Hitler.
Why can’t Germans call a taxi? *does taxi calling motion*
What did Hitler kill himself with? A "Nein"-millimeter.
What’s the difference between Anne Frank and Harry Potter?
Only one came out of the chamber.
You walk inside a building, then you see a blind German, then you call him his name.
Answer: Nazi.
What do you call Hitler?
Gay.
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
Ines.
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
What was the difference between the Federal Republic of Germany and the German Democratic Republic?
Federal Republic: The harder you work, the more you get.
Democratic Republic: The harder you work, the firmer the handshake and nothing else.
When Hitler killed himself, he shot himself twice. The first one was Operation Barbarossa, and the second one was his death.
Q: What is Germany's favorite board game?
A: Nahtzee (Yahtzee).
Enough with the Nazi jokes.
They make me führeious!
What do you call German Music in Spanish? Españodelling.
German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys.
American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun.
African XP farms: Cotton field.
Why are Germans good at smoking?
They had experience with smoking.