Fucking jokes

How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.

How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

So I'm reading Hamlet, right? And then this one page they like, "Yo, like, Hamlet the fuck t tgo foff off KING speak, yo" 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 truth ong fr 😂 Face with thing is funny or... 😂 😂 😂 😂 the

Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

Egg shaped, dome, bowling ball lookin' ass, bald fuck with that 360 degrees ahh head, motherfucker look like a damn balloon.

Call me Kobe 'cause I'm finna use your head as a basketball and throw it at yo' parents. Mr. Clean, bootleg Saitama lookin' ass mfer. No hair? :(

What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).

I yo yo-yo yo-yo yo-yo, yo-yo yo-yo you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you ha! Frick, fuck, gosh dang, you’re so big that you can’t ride. This is Builder.

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

We shouldn't call gay guys "fucking cunts" because they aren't fucking cunts, they're fucking assholes.

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think."

I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.

Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

What do you call a man with a Johnny on his nose? Fuck nose.

High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?

Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.

High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.

Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.

High school crush: Who is it?

Me: You.

Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)

Me: Fuck that.

I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!

If you fuck your sister in front of a redneck, are you appropriating their culture?