Friend jokes

I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.

He one day said his business was "remarkable."

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

Please like this. I bet my friend 20 bucks that I would get to 15 likes before him.

My friend: You're ugly.

The orphanage: That's what I said to all my children.

Why did the fridge have lots of friends?

Cause it was COOL.

My friends.

The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."

A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"

Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.

A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"

POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.

The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."

When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.

Why can’t orphans watch clean nice content? Because they are family friendly.

I talk with a friend about something and there comes Quandangle, things with his shoes, and I'm just like, "Bro, what the heeeeel?"

Ur mom, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I have no friends :'(

Me: Hey Jim!

Jim: I'm now a cannibal.

Me: WAIT, JIM! N-

Me rn: "Yo yo yo, for pre-K I went to K.I.S.S. a school."

My friend: "What is K.I.S.M.A.?"

Me: "K.I.S.M.A. balls!"

How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.

Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"

Friend: "Your blood pressure!"