Friend jokes
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
You have to tell this to a friend:
There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
That do be me though
Ahaha, I'm laughing because my friend is so black his mama killed the clown.
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.
Why are the two friends like the Twin Towers?
They fell apart.
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
Two friends fighting.
Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"
Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."
Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.
My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.
So did my friend on the right.
I had a dream of skiing.
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
Your friend is so fat, when he took the group pic, he was the background.
Me: What's the fifth month of the year?
Friend: May.
Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?
Me: How do cowboys say hello?
Friend: Howdy.
Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?
Hey Gwen, how are you? I'm a girl, btw...;)
I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.
My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.
I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."
Once my friend saw my wrist, slapped it and said "I like ya cuts, G!"
To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.