Friend jokes
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
Why does an orphan like The Beatles? Because it's family friendly.
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
dcfdf
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.
My best friend said, "Can you put your dick in me?" I said, "Can I cum in you?"
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my blind friend couldn’t see, she said, “Open yo eyes!”
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.
Here’s another joke my friend told me.
What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.
Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.
Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.
Friend: Like what?
Me: My name, my address, my phone number...
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!