Friend jokes
What did the calculator say to his friends? “You can count on me!”
Danny's Chromebook, Charger in his eager hands, Power for his world.
Fingers click and type, Words flow with electric grace, Thoughts come to life.
Screen illuminates, Imagination takes flight, Limitless pages.
Infinite knowledge, Unleashed through digital realms, Chromebook charger's might.
Danny's trusted friend, Always ready to connect, Bound by cord and fate.
Together they thrive, Exploring vast horizons, Endless possibilities.
Danny with his Chromebook charger, A duo, unstoppable, Unleashing their dreams.
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.
"Was it hung?" her friend asks.
"No, he was shot."
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
My friend is gay lol. I'm a spagetie fucc, lemme smash, Becky!
The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.
My friend asked me:
Friend: "How much is your body worth?"
Me: "1 million."
Friend: "1 million dollars?!"
Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."
Friend: "Oh."
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
That one depressed friend.
Today I asked my best friend what their favorite joke was. They started waving their hands around, and I thought it was a sign to go, thinking I had offended them or something. Turns out they were mute...
Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*
Me: Uh, male?..
Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*
Me: You silly goose.
*Silence for like three seconds*
Me: Still male though-
Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"
Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."
Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
An African man visits his friend in the US.
“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”
“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.
“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”
Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
Friend 1: *turns off lights*
Friend 2: *is there with us*
Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!