Friend jokes
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
That do be me though
"A friend with weed is a friend indeed."
What does an emo kid say to his best friend?
"Let's hang out."
My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
Why is jelly laughing a lot?
Because his friend goes nuts!
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"
Friend: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Short.
Me: Short who?
Friend: Short you!
Me: 🙁
Friend: 🤣
My friend is so short, whenever I dance with her, it’s like dancing with a golf tee.
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
Who was Goldilocks' best friend?
Goldie.
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”