To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!
Friend Jokes
Friend: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Your life.
Me: Ahhh, I wish!
*jumps off building*
My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."
My friend Harry.
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
Hey Qwen, it's me.
Why can't orphans have friends?
They will stay together.
I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.
The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
A boy walks into some woods with a phone, and his friend comes by and asks, "What are you doing?"
He pauses, then says, "Trying some bird calls!"
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead, so are you.
(I have no friends because all of my friends play Fortgay, just like my friends all of them are gay.)
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!
