Friend jokes

Guys, I am Aly's friend, Ava. Come over here.

Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!

My friend's mom: Why you bully me?

One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.

I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.

One time a crow saw a peacock and then wanted to be like a peacock, so he picked up peacock feathers and then wore them.

Then he starts walking and everybody thinks he's strange, and then his friends are not his friends anymore, and then after that he says, "Friends, please be my friends again. I'm sorry, I will be the way I am."

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.

Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?

Friend: Don’t know?

Me: U STUPID!

Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."

Friends: comments give reason.

Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."

Day later:

Mom: Let me see your TikTok.

Me: Shows her the video.

Mom: calls suicide.

JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.

I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.

My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

I'm not racist, my best friends are black for Halloween. :)

You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.

*bowl of dark grapes*

Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.

Friend 2: Black? Good one.

Friend 1: 21 at a time.

Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.

My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"

On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.

Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."