Friend jokes

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.

I was the person that flew into the Twin Towers. I have two friends that are both twins, and whenever they speak, I tell them to shut up because if they don't, I'll make myself explode in them.

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

A friend of mine says "Baguette" all the time cuz she is French.

I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.

Me: Why can't orphans play baseball? Friend: Why? Me: Because they can't find home.

Me: What do you call an orphan?

Friend: Homeless.

I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.

They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!

It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!

Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.

What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.

My emo friend tried to hi-five a tree. It left him hanging.

My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.

I don't have a joke, I just have a friend named Jack.

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

Rape isn't a joke.

It's a type of way of making friends and to mate with other women.

It's a way of art, and works on anybody!

Like this if you agree.

My friend said, "Where is the trash?" I said, "Look in the mirror, there is the trash."

Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.

Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”

Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”

Friend: Hi, orphan.

Orphan: Tell me a yo momma joke.

Friend: ummm

Orphan: Exactly, U can't.

Friend: Yo momma so disappointed she left!

My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)