I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
Fortune Jokes
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?
A stroke of luck :)
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
Remember when Calvin wanted to commit a school shooting?
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"
The mirror says: "If you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck."
The Magic Jewel says: "If you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck."
The condom just sitting there laughing.
Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.
The genie says, "Whatever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of."
The first boy goes down the slide shouting, "diamonds!", and he gets a bucket of diamonds.
The second boy goes down the slide and shouts, "gold!", and gets a bucket of gold.
The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts "weeeeeeee!"
Guys, say "I love gape horn" really loud and you will get good luck for 10 years.
My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
Pokemon: What’s Wailmer’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
Why are orphans so lucky?
Every crisp packet is family sized.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Like this,
it will give you good luck. See for yourself!
What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?
A small medium at large.
An orphan finds a genie.
Orphan: "My first wish is to be rich."
Genie: "Of course."
Orphan: "My second wish is to be famous."
Genie: "Done."
Orphan: "I wish my parents could come back!"
Genie: "I told you I can't bring people back from the dead!"
