Fortune jokes
What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.
What do you call a really fat psychic?
4chin Teller
Pokemon: What’s Wailmer’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?
A small medium at large.
Guys, say "I love gape horn" really loud and you will get good luck for 10 years.
Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.
Why are orphans so lucky?
Every crisp packet is family sized.
Like This For Good Luck!
I forgot my lucky egg! It always gives me an eggcellent amount of luck!
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison? Reports say there's a small medium at large!
The mirror says: "If you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck."
The Magic Jewel says: "If you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck."
The condom just sitting there laughing.
Like this,
it will give you good luck. See for yourself!
My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...
What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?
A stroke of luck :)
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.
The genie says, "Whatever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of."
The first boy goes down the slide shouting, "diamonds!", and he gets a bucket of diamonds.
The second boy goes down the slide and shouts, "gold!", and gets a bucket of gold.
The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts "weeeeeeee!"