I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning fortunately no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think damn better luck next time
The mirror says: if you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck.
The Magic Jewel says: if you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck.
The condom just sitting there laughing.
Guys say “I love gape horn” really loud and you will get good luck for 10 yesrs
My fortune cookie said "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily since I'm suicidal...
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately it was light beer.
Pokemon:What’s Wailmer’s favorite TV show? Whale of Fortune.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh how did I survive. Fortunately being her husband I was the 1 person she wasn't fucking.
what do you call a fat fortune teller? a fourchin teller
Like this
it will give yoy good luck see for your self
What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?
A Small Medium at Large.
Orphan finds genie
Orphan:my first wish is to be Rich
Genie: of course
Orphan:my second wish is to be famous
Genie:done
Orphan: I wish my parents can come back Genie: I told you I can't bring people back from the dead
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions ..you must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate and you must never hold on to any beef . " The Angel then disappeared. The man did as was told and became generous and kind ..as he emerged from the betting office with all his money... he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person..each and everytime. He ,however couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what . When he died the Angel came back for him .. "But I'm undeserving I can't come with you" he said .. "Yes you can" replied the Angel , "you gave all your stake ( steak) away"
Like This For Good Luck!
My friend has a shovel made of gold I guess you could call him a Gold digger
In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden, and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she found herself soon homeless, begging for food or money to survive.
She used to occupy a street next to a theater; not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her; every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well, that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every tuesday - just to keep her spirits up.
One tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story, and decided to share his fortune.
Gentleman: I work as a magician in the touring show - today we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate - but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin.
