Food jokes
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
The lettuce and tomato were in a race. The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What's the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
How is baseball like cake?
They both need batters.
What's an old man's favorite food?
Wrinkled onions.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
What is italian sausage?
The dick of a gay italian.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
Roses are red, violets are black, your mum's so fat she sold her son for 10 Big Macs.
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
How does a train eat?
It goes, "chew chew."
Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?
I always talk to my taco before I eat it.
One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!
What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.
A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
The bartender says, "No bread here."
And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"
And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."
So the duck says, "Got any nails?"
And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.
What flour do orphans use when baking? Self-Raising (Rising).