Man

person

A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl a chili.

The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.

After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, “Are you going to eat that?”

The second man replies, “No, you can have it if you want.”

So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.

About halfway through the bowl, he’s chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.

He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.

The second man looks at him and says, “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got too.”

6

Baby

Anonymous

how do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? a blender. how do you get them out? tortilla chips.

9
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Ball

Anonymous

what is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?

U can’t unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitch fork.

5

Girlfriend

Tanner Pomeranz

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their teams bench.

After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”

She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”

Salad

Rick

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

1
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Wife

Tanner Pomeranz

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

Salad

Anonymous

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?

A chicken sees a salad( chicken Caesar salad )

Woman

XxbillyxscrannerxX

Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.

2

Little Johnny

Mail man tom

What’s the difference between a baby and a bowling ball

U can’t use a pitch fork to get the bowling ball out of the truck

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Fat

Eva

Yo’ Mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.

Darkness

Jerry

bowl of dark grapes Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men Friend 2: Black? Good one Friend 1: 21 at a time

Sister

Tanner Pomeranz

The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

Coach said to himself, “I got to have this guy. He’s got the best arm I’ve ever seen!”

He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

“Mother,” he yells over the phone, “We just won the Super Bowl!”

“Don’t talk to me,” the woman says. “You abandoned us. You can’t be my son.”

The young Iraqi begs, “Mom, you don’t understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!”

“I don’t care,” his mother snaps. “Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped.”

Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.

Man

Williams

Yo momma so stupid…weather man says it chilli outside…instead of a jacket…She gets a bowl and spoon!!!

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Orphan

Anonymous

Random kid: yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the super bowl. orphan:what’s a mama? Random kid: *shook

Yo mama

Anonymous

Your momma so stupid when someone said it’s chilly outside she brought a spoon and bowl

Baby

Anonymous

How do you get a baby into a small bowl? A blender. How do you get it out? Tostito chips.

Japanese

Anonymous

I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said “Let me Shoyu.”

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Ball

Apocalypse

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes, and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don’t bowl.

Adoption

Anonymous

Can you make me a bowl of cereal, oh wait you dad never came back with the milk

Game

Austin Warner

The moment you realize that school Kahoot! games are more competitive than the Super Bowl