Food jokes
You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.
Hey, do you like nuts? Try our new product, deez nuts! *slam dunk* It's a bag filled with all of your favorite nuts! We called it deez nuts! *slam dunk* We got cashues peanuts wallnuts!
And it's called deez nuts! *slam dunk* Try out deez nuts *slam dunk* now! It's a bag, filled with your favorite nuts! Deez nuts! *slam dunk*
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
One time an ant was collecting food. Suddenly, a wind pushed the ant into the river. The ant said, "Help! Help!" and a pigeon heard it. Then, he grabbed a leaf and threw it in the river. The ant climbed on it, and then the pigeon and the ant became best friends. But one time, a hunter came to kill the pigeon. When the ant saw him, she bit his leg and the pigeon flew away from the arrow, and that's how friends are, everybody.
At what speed is the curry going at?
In a hurry to the curry, man!
Down syndrome and brownies.
What did the one-handed man have for breakfast this morning?
Finger food.
Welcome to codi's pizzeria and abortion clinic; your loss is our sauce!
Pineapple goes on pizza.
What can you not ride with two wheelchairs? A burger 🍔 one wheelchair.
What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?
They both have an expiry date.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Mayonnaise marry me?
My sister has cows, and after 4 months, she said there was a mis-steak.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
What do plus a nut and a pee make?
Pee-nuts.
Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.