Food jokes
I think you're eggcellent!
A pancake and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"
Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"
My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"
Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times? A Brazil nut.
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
What is the best way to make a leaf?
Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!
My mom was poor, so we had nothing to eat. I slept on the floor, but now I'm rich, rich, rich 😜
Tumblr people: "There are an infinite amount of genders."
The cannibal kid: "Bitch, please. There's just one gender: Food."
What is a carrot's favorite shop?
The wheelchair store.
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Just too bitter.
What's the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
I made a song about a tortilla. Well, it's more of a wrap.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Why did the Twin Towers report to the pizza restaurant?
Because they asked for pepperoni, but they got plain.
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean beef.
Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.
Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."
Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."
haha why couldn't the bike stand up because it was too tired.
What is a pizza that an orphan can’t have?
A family pizza.