Food jokes

Yo mama so stupid.

When she was in mandarin class, she asked, "Where are the mandarins? I'm hungry."

Me: Hey, I have candy.

Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?

Me: Some of deez nuts.

What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.

Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"

Why don’t you peel a banana?

It’s too hard to kill your nana.

What do squirrels eat?

Nuts. 🥜

Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.

Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.

I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"

What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?

Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!

Want to hear a joke about pizza?

Never mind, it's too cheesy.

Have you tried eating a clock?

It's time-consuming!

I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.

I know a baby carrot when I see one.

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were walking down the street when a french fry caught the attention of Mr. Potato.

Mrs. Potato said: "I see you eye-balling that French girl!"

I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?

What did the pizzas say to the pizza maker?

CHEESE-US!

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

Your mom's so small that she hang glided on a Dorito!

1 like = 1 fetus donated to the soup kitchen.