Food jokes
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Grounded beef.
What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.
I just had a birthday party last week at my crib. I invited two fine, beautiful looking women. One was skinny and her name was Kelly, and the other one was overweight and her name was Chiquita.
Both of them came by. I told Chiquita only Kelly can stay and enjoy my birthday. You can't, you're too fat and clumsy, and I don't have any food or drinks for you, so see ya later, nutty professor.
A girl named Ranch went to the store and stayed there. Why? Because she was ranched!
What do orphans and people eating oranges have in common? They both are eating balls.
Have you ever heard of emo pizza?
It cuts itself!
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."
"Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake."
Kim Jong Il: Knock knock.
Political Prisoner: Who's there?
Kim Jong Il: Boo.
Political Prisoner: Boo who?
Kim Jong Il: Boo hoo? Don't cry just because I executed your wife and enslaved your children. You at least get to eat today, my friend.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
What is the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
What do bees like with sushi?
Wasabee.
Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
Why can't a Muslim woman give head to an American cop?
She doesn't eat pigs.