Food jokes

What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?

Abortion of chips.

Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday.

I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive.

I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.

I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"

A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.

I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...

Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?

Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.

Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!

Me: You can't kick me out.

Manager: Why not? Huh?

Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.

Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...

Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"

Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"

There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.

When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.

In heaven, an angel asks him why.

“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”

Bread is racist.

Yo momma's so stupid, she starved to death in a grocery store.

Yo mama so stupid.

When she was in mandarin class, she asked, "Where are the mandarins? I'm hungry."

I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"

Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"

What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.

Me: Hey, I have candy.

Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?

Me: Some of deez nuts.

Why don’t you peel a banana?

It’s too hard to kill your nana.

Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.

Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.

What do squirrels eat?

Nuts. 🥜

So a cupcake walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says to himself, "Damn, this is some good shit."

Why don't rappers ever become chefs?

Because they can't stop droppin' the beet!

What do rappers like cantaloupe?

Because they’re always dropping fresh MELON!