Food jokes
What did one plate say to the other plate?
"Dinner's on me."
What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?
Several hundred calories.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
💔 The Broken Family 💔 . Part 1
Girl: Mom, dad tried to have sex with me last night.
Mom: Are you serious?? (Shocked)
Girl: Yah. He said I must kiss him after he didn't want to let me go.
Mom: Am gonna kill ur dad (Angry)
Girl: Please mom, we still need him, who will buy use food and clothes. You don't have a job mom.
Mom: But what he did was wrong.
Girl: I know.
(SOUND OF A CAR COMING IN)
Mom: Is that ur dad.
Girl: Yes Mom
Comment Part 2
Memes
What does Stephen Hawking eat for breakfast? His shoulder.
Isn't eating a clock time-consuming?
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.
What does Jonathan Davis eat for breakfast?
Korn Flakes.
Rabbit poop is cereal.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Stephen Hawking prefers rolls to slices of bread.
Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?
A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.
What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?
He-he-eat!
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"
"I can't wait for Thanksgiving!" said the turkey.