Food jokes
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
💔 The Broken Family 💔 . Part 1
Girl: Mom, dad tried to have sex with me last night.
Mom: Are you serious?? (Shocked)
Girl: Yah. He said I must kiss him after he didn't want to let me go.
Mom: Am gonna kill ur dad (Angry)
Girl: Please mom, we still need him, who will buy use food and clothes. You don't have a job mom.
Mom: But what he did was wrong.
Girl: I know.
(SOUND OF A CAR COMING IN)
Mom: Is that ur dad.
Girl: Yes Mom
Comment Part 2
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.
What does Jonathan Davis eat for breakfast?
Korn Flakes.
Isn't eating a clock time-consuming?
Rabbit poop is cereal.
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
Why is it always cold in the hospital?
To keep the vegetables fresh.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Only the apple got picked up.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
What do you call a waterfowl looking at you from around a corner?
A Peking duck.
What's fun to search for in investigation?
The Milky Way!
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Someone went to fly and thought of pizza.
Why can't orphans have chips? Because it's family size.
The difference between an apple and an orphan is that the apple gets picked.