Food jokes
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One gets picked.
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!
Why do orphan kids never eat homemade food? Because they don’t even have one!
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Read the title.
You know why morning food digests so quickly.
Because it breaks fast.
What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you put the cucumber 🥒
I like my women like I like my chocolate.
Edible.
"Jonny, Jonny?"
"Yes, Papa?"
"Eating sugar?"
"No, Papa."
"Open your mouth!" Shoves hand down throat-
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
What did the pig say when he was in the sun?
I'm bacon.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
What is a cannibal's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
Yo momma so fat, when she said, "Order in the court," she really meant burgers and fries.
Why were the Twin Towers sad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, but got plane instead.
Cannibal eats missionary, gets a taste for religion.
Q: How do you know if a gang of Chinese people robbed your house?
A: All the rice is gone.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.