Food jokes
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
What did Ronnie have at Taco Bell?
A mind-blowing bean burrito.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Michael Jackson went into an Italian restaurant and died because he choked on 9-year-old meatballs.
What's long and black, the line to KFC.
What did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast? His left shoulder.
I started crying when Dad began to cut onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!
Why do orphans eat their cereal dry? Their dad hasn’t come back with the milk.
What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked!
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
What do angels serve at birthday parties in Heaven?
Angel food cake! 🎂🥳
What's the chunkiest part of vegetable soup?
The wheelchair.
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?
Several hundred calories.