Food jokes
What's the chunkiest part of vegetable soup?
The wheelchair.
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?
Several hundred calories.
What did one plate say to the other plate?
"Dinner's on me."
Why do people eat food?
Coz it tastes good lol.
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
What’s the difference between me and a bakery shop? The bakery shop has cake! 😞🎂
What’s the difference between an orphan and a sugar donut?
People want donuts.
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple can trace back its family tree.
What's the difference between an orphan and an orange?
One gets picked.
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?
The salad could be dressing!
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.
Me: Why?
Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.
I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.
I wrote a song about tortillas...
Actually, it's more of a wrap.
Why do orphans love McDonald's?
Because the initials are like "mother" and "father."
What do you call a special ed class that’s flooded?
Vegetable soup.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered three pepperoni pizzas and one came plain, the other came late, and the other one went to the wrong address.