Food jokes
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
What happens to a cannibal who shows up late for dinner? He gets the cold shoulder.
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.
Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.
What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What do angels serve at birthday parties in Heaven?
Angel food cake! 🎂🥳
What's the chunkiest part of vegetable soup?
The wheelchair.
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple can trace back its family tree.
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
What's the difference between an orphan and an orange?
One gets picked.
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?
The salad could be dressing!
Why do people eat food?
Coz it tastes good lol.
I wrote a song about tortillas...
Actually, it's more of a wrap.