Food jokes
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain!
What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?
Strong to the finish.
What's a lesbian's favorite candy?
Licorice.
Jeffrey Dahmer was craving 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.
When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."
What is big and long and hard?
A cucumber!
How did the Chinese chicken cross the road?
He wok-ed.
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business!
A sandwich walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"
"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked, and the other doesn’t.
What site does a vegetable go to when he/she is stressed?
cornhub.com
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
You're so fat that when you got to McDonald's, they had to call Wendy's for backup.
McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"
The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.
Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.
Karen walks into McDonald's.
Lady at the counter: HI what can I get for you today??
Karen: I want 1 SMALL FRIES PLEASE AND MAKE IT SNAPPY LITTLE NOODLE!
Lady at the counter: yes miss.
Karen: I WILL NOW INSPECT THIS.
Lady at the counter: *sweats*
Karen: THIS IS NOT SALTY ENOUGHT! GET ME THE MANAGER KNOW, SKINY NOODLE!