Food

Food jokes

Baby

    • What's the difference between a baby and a Dorito?

    One is a tasty snack, the other is a Dorito.

    Food memes

    Guy

    • One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.

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    • Karen

    • Karen walks into McDonald's.

    Lady at the counter: HI what can I get for you today??

    Karen: I want 1 SMALL FRIES PLEASE AND MAKE IT SNAPPY LITTLE NOODLE!

    Lady at the counter: yes miss.

    Karen: I WILL NOW INSPECT THIS.

    Lady at the counter: *sweats*

    Karen: THIS IS NOT SALTY ENOUGHT! GET ME THE MANAGER KNOW, SKINY NOODLE!

  • 0

    • Indian

    • There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.

    One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."

    The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."

    The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"

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    • Homeless Man

    • I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

    I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

    "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

    "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

    "Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

    "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

    "Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"

    I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

  • 4

    • Egg

    • My wife went to make a cake. The recipe said, "Separate two eggs," so she put one egg in the living room.

    Sugar

    • Johnny Johnny?

    Yes pa pa.

    Eating sugar?

    Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.

  • 0

    • Doctor

    • John pretended to be a doctor.

    Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."

    John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"

    Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."

    John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"

    Motu said, "I lost my memory."

    John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"

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