Food jokes
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am!
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
Cashew, see, I'm nuts about you!?
Why didn’t the Twin Towers like their pizza?
Cause it was plain.
What's the food orphans can't eat?
Family-sized ice cream.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."
Why does the pancake team in baseball always win? Because they have the best batter.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where's popcorn?
When you are eating delicious street food in China and you ask the chef: You: "Is this chicken?" Chef: "No, its meow meow."
Your daddy's so fat, he tripped over a rock. He thought it was a chip.
What do 7 year old girls want?
To be ate!
Chimichanga.
Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie.
What’s black and long?
The Chick-fil-A line.
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?
A: A jolly rancher.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."