Food jokes
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
I told my sister a Dairy joke.
She said it was cheesy.
Why can't a Chinese kid play baseball?
They ate the bat!
What did the salt say to the vinegar during the sweet and sour dynasty?
"STUPID VINIGGER!"
What's a priest's favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.
If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.
I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.
What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
Why are eggs bad at puns?
They always mix up their yolks!
What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?
A grape chilli bean.
Why do people eat cereal for breakfast?
Because why not.
What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)
I remember the time that Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... it was a short episode. Too bad he couldn’t find any.
What do you call expired milk?
The Milky Way.