What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.
What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.
Food Jokes
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
What country did Indians invent?
Curry-a.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef! XD
What do you call a crazy lesbian?
Fruit Loops.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
Why does the orphan have water with its cereal?
Their dad never came back with the milk.
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
The only letters in the alphabet that you know are "KFC."
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.
