Food jokes
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.
Q: What do you call a baby in a vegetative state?
A: A tater tot.
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.
A meme
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.
Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.
What does a hooker and butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
Who hates going to a pizza party?
A weirdough.
Q) What’s the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
A) About 400 calories.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
Why does the orphan kid eat cereal with water?
Because his dad hasn’t come back with the milk yet.
What is long, hard and has cum in it? Cucumber.
What is a 3 letter word that starts with S ends with X and has a vowel? Six.
Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.
If an Indian had powers, it would be throwing tika masala.
Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"