Food jokes
What type of cake can't orphans eat?
Home made.
What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?
Coco Pops.
A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.
The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."
So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
Yo mama is so poor, she buys used food.
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
You also have to learn to say no. For example: “Would you like a piece of cake?” - “No, I would like two.”
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"
Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.
Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
What’s the hardest part about making vegetable soup?
To put the wheelchair in the pot.
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.