Food jokes
I love vegans because they save more meat for us.
Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?
What happens to a cannibal who shows up late for dinner? He gets the cold shoulder.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
Cuz he got hit by a bus while crossing the street.
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.
What do you call a banana that can dance?
CHUPAPIMUNYANYO BUISNESS [sic]
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bagel."
"Bagel who?"
"Toast, it's me, your arch-nemesis, Bagel, here to make up! Bye!"
Two nuts were chasing each other. One said to the other, "I'm-a cashew!"
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?
The lobsters in the kitchen.
What's the difference between an orphan and an orange?
One gets picked.
Jesus is what he eats!
Shit!
Americans: I will cook the pizza.
Italians: I cooka de pizza!
What's a skeleton's favorite food?
Spare ribs.
Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher. What?
Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.
Teacher. Why water?
Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
You're built like a double cheeseburger.
Is your middle name Fancy Feast?
'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.