Food jokes
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.
A pecan is motivated because pe-can do anything.
What's long and black?
The line at Popeyes.
Banana!
What did the tomato say to the empty ketchup bottle? "GOD STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Why did the chickens cross the road?
To get to KFC.
What is a duck's favorite drink to sip on? Duck wine.
Why can the orphan only buy 1 ice cream cone?
He can't afford a family pack.
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.
-- Jeffery Dahmer
What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?
Panera Fred.
What do you call it when Panera Bread gets painted red?
Panera Red.
What is the difference between apples and orphans?........... The apple gets picked.
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.