Food jokes

My four conditions:

1. I need coffee.

2. I need vacation.

3. I need food.

4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.

Q: How do you know if a gang of Chinese people robbed your house?

A: All the rice is gone.

Who hates going to a pizza party?

A weirdough.

Q) What’s the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?

A) About 400 calories.

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”

My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.

The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;

Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.

It's called Costa Coffee because it's short for "Cost A lot for boiled, rancid dishwater."

What type of flower does an orphan use?

Self-raising flour.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Half of it. 🐛

What’s the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator won’t fart when you pull the meat out.

If an Indian had powers, it would be throwing tika masala.

Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

Because they ordered pepperoni and got plane. (Yes, it's "plain," shut.)

What do you call the bell at the Asian restaurant?

I'm ta ping it, some ting won.

Why couldn’t the orange cross the road? Because it ran out of juice.

Yo mama so fat, she likes long, romantic walks to the refrigerator.

Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?

What does a rich person eat? 24 karats/carrots!