Food jokes

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

What type of cake can't orphans eat?

Home made.

What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?

Coco Pops.

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reali-tea.

What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.

A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.

The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."

So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"

What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?

A baby in the microwave!

Yo mama is so poor, she buys used food.

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.

What is a vegetarian's favorite song?

No beef.

How do you get a baby out of a blender?

With Doritos!

What does a clock do when he's still hungry?

He goes back "four" seconds!

What's the difference between me and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

Son: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Dad: Don't know, why?

Son: Because they taste funny.

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

What does a hooker and butter have in common?

They both spread for bread.

Why did the transgender man only eat salad?

Because he was a "her" before.

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable?

The wheel.

What cookie has an orphan never had?

Homemade.