Food jokes
Yo mama so fat, she thought "RAW MEN" was "RAMEN."
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
Memes
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.
Your mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?
Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!
What do you call it when a gay guy eats Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
You also have to learn to say no. For example: “Would you like a piece of cake?” - “No, I would like two.”
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)