I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"
Food Jokes
I'm hungry.
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
A: Blue cheese.
Why did your friend eat the burger?
Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!
Not really. He was just hungry.
Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”
I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”
I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”
So I thought about trying to eat a clock one day.
After about 13 tries, I realized this was very time consuming.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
Why did the skeleton eat tacos?
Because he was hungry.
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
What's your mum's favourite food?
Chicken nuggets! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
Q: What is the hardest part of a vegetable to swallow?
A: A wheelchair.
A polar bear walks into a bar, asks the barman, “A pint of lager................. and a packet of crisps.”
The barman asks, “Why the large pause?”
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
The bartender says, "No bread here."
And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"
And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."
So the duck says, "Got any nails?"
And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!
