Finance jokes

"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."

But he could only get 1 trade.

Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?

If I had a loonie for every degree I have, I wouldn't have a loonie.

I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.

Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

What's the similarity between your money and your life?

It just keeps going down.

Ever heard of the currency TNT?

All Arab economies are booming with so much TNT!

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

What is a tree that does not exist?

A money tree.

Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.

Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"

Lil Johnny went to school and said, "Teacher, if you let me poop my pants, I will let you have my dad and his money. Will you do it, Mrs. Johnson?"

You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

If you are poor, get money.

You're so poor not even Dollar Tree has your prices.

I saw a poor man and I gave him money, and he said, "Nope, I don't need money." So I gave him money, and he punched me for no reason.

A man gave me 1 dollar that was ripped and laughed away. I wonder why he did that.

He did that on purpose to trick me, then I met him in the threes.

"Does this make any cents?" a man says.

"Oh, it does make cents," me. <-- thing: Lemin"aid" <-- another joke.

My roasts aren't funny. At least this shit gets me money.