Finance Jokes

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

I thought @$$hole Trump was a businessman, not a broke man.

I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.

A rich man paid for a trip to space, but he couldn't go because the rocket was damaged. He received a refund and an apology.

When a person asked to see her balance at a bank, they pushed him over.

A screenshot of two Instagram posts. The first post, from user fatgirlhedonist, says "Idk who needs to hear this, but I switched from buying coffee every day to making it at home 2 years ago and I'm still not a millionaire." The second post, from user brianmstewart, is pinned and replies "I have studied the habits of millionaires. While it is a good step to save money by making coffee at home, have you considered supplementing your income by committing massive fraud?"

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

Roses are red, violets are blue, in the middle of the day, give me money, you!

"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."

But he could only get 1 trade.

If I had a loonie for every degree I have, I wouldn't have a loonie.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

Ever heard of the currency TNT?

All Arab economies are booming with so much TNT!

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

What's the similarity between your money and your life?

It just keeps going down.

Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?

I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.

Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.

Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is in hot water for importing $49 million worth of Tylenol that medical facilities couldn't even use.

I have a few suggestions about what she can do with all that Tylenol.

What is a tree that does not exist?

A money tree.

Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.

Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"