Finance jokes

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.

I lost $10,000, so I killed my piggy bank, so I get a real pig and money which my money is fake, but the janitor said it is real, so I killed myself and turned into a real human.

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

I thought @$$hole Trump was a businessman, not a broke man.

I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.

A rich man paid for a trip to space, but he couldn't go because the rocket was damaged. He received a refund and an apology.

When a person asked to see her balance at a bank, they pushed him over.

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

Roses are red, violets are blue, in the middle of the day, give me money, you!

"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."

But he could only get 1 trade.

If I had a loonie for every degree I have, I wouldn't have a loonie.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

Ever heard of the currency TNT?

All Arab economies are booming with so much TNT!

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

What's the similarity between your money and your life?

It just keeps going down.

Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?

I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.

Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.

What is a tree that does not exist?

A money tree.