Finance jokes

I'm so poor that I had to rob a food bank for a loaf of bread.

What time does the man go to the bank?

8 AM.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.

I thought @$$hole Trump was a businessman, not a broke man.

A rich man paid for a trip to space, but he couldn't go because the rocket was damaged. He received a refund and an apology.

I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.

I lost $10,000, so I killed my piggy bank, so I get a real pig and money which my money is fake, but the janitor said it is real, so I killed myself and turned into a real human.

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

When a person asked to see her balance at a bank, they pushed him over.

What's the similarity between your money and your life?

It just keeps going down.

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.

Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

But he could only get 1 trade.

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."

Roses are red, violets are blue, in the middle of the day, give me money, you!

Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?

If I had a loonie for every degree I have, I wouldn't have a loonie.