Finance jokes
You are so fat you were able to occupy Wall Street all by yourself.
I gun give money.
Clear all your debts with one easy payment. Buy a shotgun and blow your head off.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
My friend lives in a caravan park. His parents named him Money because they thought it was a type of currency.
thats you suck dick goof ball
They call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me poor and ugly.
Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.
How do you know if a rapper's broke?
When he starts dropping cents instead of bars.
A: Guess what kind of men/women do gold diggers like?
Q: One that has a sense of money.
Yaxaas?
Boosterthon asks to raise up to $35,000.
I donate $35,000. I ask, "What's my prize?" Boosterthon worker says, "Here's a headband." Me: "I donated the goal, so is that it?" Boosterthon worker: "No, it's $35,000 per person." I pass out. Boosterthon worker goes back to work like it is a regular day.
Yo daddy so poor, when yo mama ask for sum child support money, yo dad don’t have it! 🤣
I take debt of 25,000 euro. I spend 20,000 in charity, and 5000 euro are left. I pay the debt of 2000 euro and I have to pay now 23,000 euro to bank, and 3000 euro I have in profit, 23,000 +3000 >> 26000 ;)
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They’re draining the economy doooown!
They’ve spent our budget on weed
and lube to spill Jack’s seed.
They’ve ruined our wonderful town!
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They have no moralityyyy.
They’re spreading degeneracy.
We ain't what we used to be.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana.
They went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers.
Next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill!
They’ve banked off buying boooze!
They’ll drink and sell the price
at the original times thrice.
Corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
Their kids’re in the business tooo!
They’re draining all our banks.
Give 'em well deserved spanks.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill Netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaake.
What a blunder, there was no rubber, now they’re a house of eeiiight!
A bolt went off, they opened shop to resell their porn and lean.
It all went swell, but for us, well, we’re now an oligarchy!
WE’LL KILL OL' JACK AND JILL!
When it's ready for pickup today, I have to get my stimulus payment for a while, and then we'll go to bed... 🥱🥹🥺
If you had a dollar for every time someone said you're ugly, you'd meet someone who wouldn't say you're ugly.
Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?
Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.
A car alarm went to the store.
Cashier: Hello.
Car Alarm: BMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWAAAMAAHAMAMAMAMAAMHMMMMMMMMAMAMAMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAMMAMMMMMMMMMMM BBEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BWAAAAMAAA!
Cashier: That will be 10 Dollars, sir.
What do you call a rich Chinese guy?
"Ching ching."
I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.