Finance jokes

How do you keep a bull from charging?

You take its credit card away.

What do cows call money?

Moola.

If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.

You're so poor, you only got 2 jokes.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

There are two types of faces:

The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.

Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.

What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?

His life insurance.

I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.

Usually I just use tissues.

I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.

Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.

Say "Mike Wizowski" fast to a teenager and I will get you $100000000000.

A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"

She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."

Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"

I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.

It just doesn’t make any cents!

What do you call a rich Chinese guy?

"Ching ching."

My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.

A rich man paid for a trip to space, but he couldn't go because the rocket was damaged. He received a refund and an apology.

Time for a Terraria joke.

What is a worm called when it is with a rich worm for his money?

A gold digger.

(play the game or watch some vids to understand)

So today an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... Hhah.

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.