Family jokes

How do Asian people name their children?

They throw a pan down the stairs.

What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.

"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."

Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?

Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"

My sister looks like Santa Claus.

"You are so pretty?"

"No, too many people!"

Girl: "Daddy!"

Father: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I'm a... a girl!"

Father: "Mhm!"

Woman: "Daddy?"

Father: "Of course?"

Woman: "I'm a girl too!"

Father: "Does God love children?"

Boy: "Yessss..."

What is the difference between a grandmother and a maid?

One is hope and the other is soap.

The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.

Your teeth split faster than your parents' divorce settlement.

Yo mama's so—oh wait, you don't have one.

I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.

Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.

What do atoms and parents have in common to orphans? You can't see either of them.

What is harder than steel?

My cousin at the family reunion.

Girl: "Dad."

Dad: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I am a prostitute."

Dad: "Yes."

Woman 2: "Dad."

Dad: "Right?"

Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."

Father: "God, do you love children?"

Boy: "Yes..."

An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.

Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."

What type of chip can orphan's not eat? The Lay's Family Size chips!

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and orphans?

The parents remember 9/11.

Let's see what the orphans are gonna tell their parents about this: "Hey you buttheads, you stink!"

Looks like they didn't tell their parents.

Why don't orphans know how to play baseball? Because they don't know where how is.

Why do orphans have a single chip? Because they don't have a full bag.