When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
Family Jokes
So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!
Why can't orphans go on a field trip? Because they don't have a parent's signature.
What did the kid say to the orphan?
"Well, at least I have parents!"
My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.
Why can't an orphan hit a home run?
They have no home to run to.
Kid: I got homework.
Mom: Ok, so?
Kid: I got a F in my balls.
Imagine me being 12 feet taller than your dad.
I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.
What's the difference between orphans and apples? Apples get picked.
I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!
RYAN MY BELOVED SON WHERE ARE YOU?
My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.
Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
Why can't orphans have a home button on their phone?
Because they don't have homes.
Me talks to an orphan: Hey, I have a joke.
Orphan: Go on then.
Me: Your family tree.
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
