Family jokes
What's the difference between orphans and apples? Apples get picked.
My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."
some say lil durk and king von were friend's, but others say they were cousin's. HELP ME OUT which is it.
Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
When she says "parents aren't home" so you rush upstairs.
Why is Dawayne so small? Because his parents cut him up into small slices!
My grandfather is a great fisherman, especially at baiting a rod.
I guess you could call him the Master Baiter.
Why in Alabama people don't use doggy style... Cuz you don't turn your back to your family.
Why do orphans go to church?
Why?
To finally call someone "father."
Mom!
Mom!
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
Why is there a middle school?
Because the kids that go there are middle class families.
I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
RYAN MY BELOVED SON WHERE ARE YOU?
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."