Family jokes

What's the difference between a baseball game and an orphan?

There's a home to go back to.

Why did the orphan get an iPhone 14 for his birthday? Because it has no home button.

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.

Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

Imagine if Batman had a family reunion!

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏

When you see your mom.

Me: bruh

Her: Are you serious right now bro?

Me: Yeah no shit.

Her: *slaps me*

Why can't an orphan play soccer on the home side of the field? They don't have a home!

Why do orphans like tigers? I don't know, you tell me.

If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.

Orphans actually have an advantage. Nobody can call them motherless or test-tube babies in an argument.

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!

If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?

Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find home.

Why do orphans rob the bank?

Because they want to be wanted.

Why did your mom cross the road?

You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.

What do apple trees and orphans have in common?

The apples get picked.

Your hairline goes so far back your dad didn't leave.

Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."

At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."