Family jokes
Why can an orphan only get an iPhone X?
Because there is no home button.
So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em!
What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!
My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"
some say lil durk and king von were friend's, but others say they were cousin's. HELP ME OUT which is it.
There are 2 dads and 2 sons. They all caught a fish.
Why did they only come home with 3 fish?
(Answer)
There were a grand-dad, dad, and son.
If you don't get it, then it means grand father is the dad to the dad (1 dad). Dad is the dad for the son and a son for the grandfather. Get it?
Why can’t an orphan play games with a full house in them? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
Why can't orphans close their video games?
Because they can't find the home button.
Why did the orphan go outside the school?
Answer: Because it was take your parents to school day.
Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.
din mamma
What do you call a crazy-in-every-way sister?
A sissy.
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?
A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
Your momma! OHHHHH!
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!