Family jokes
If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
Your momma! OHHHHH!
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
Memes
some say lil durk and king von were friend's, but others say they were cousin's. HELP ME OUT which is it.
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.
"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."
Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?
The adoption center threw a party. Why? 'Cause the parents weren't home.
What will happen if orphans use an iPhone?
They can't find the home button.
Raju: How about you, Sunil?
Do you know?
Sanju: Sunil is my long distance
is a brother.
Raju: Long brother?
Sanju: Yes, because I live in Ratnagiri and he lives in Nagpur.
I saw a kid sitting on the side and asked if he was an orphan, “what gave me away?” “Well, your parents, for a start.”
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor? Because it can't hit home.
Why do orphans hate baseball?
They don’t know what home base is.
Yo mama so fat, when she walked in front of the TV, I missed 3 episodes.
Why can't orphans be home schooled?
Because they have no parent to home school them.
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
I traveled through time to get my dad back.
I failed because I was 1e21 years off.
One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.
My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.
My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.
Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.
Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.
I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.