Family jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home run is.
Why can’t an orphan play games with a full house in them? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?
Myla: I went to a restaurant.
Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?
Timmy: I went to a concert.
Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?
Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.
some say lil durk and king von were friend's, but others say they were cousin's. HELP ME OUT which is it.
I asked my sister to say something.
She said, "No."
That's what I like to hear.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
Your momma! OHHHHH!
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.
"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."
Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
What shows do orphans dream of?
Full House or Fuller House.
Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
Why can't orphans open a website?
Because they don't have a home page.
Why aren't orphans good at poker?
Because they don't know what a "full home" is!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They won't be able to find home.