Family jokes
Q: Can orphans hit a home run?
A: No, they don't know what it's like to have a home to run to.
Quiet kid: "I'm home!"
Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"
Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"
One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.
Why is your nan gay? Because she's an orphan.
I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.
How to make an orphan BLEED?
Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.
Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.
Step 3 - Tell them to kys.
Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To reunite with his parents.
My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.
I hate my wife.
Kid: Hi Mum!
Mum: Hi, Loser!
Kid: Why?
Mum: You loser, why? Hahaha!
Kid: Waaaaaaa!
I know this is not funny, but who cares?
Little Johnny: Dad, why are you rubbing the horse's chest and butt?
Dad: I want to see if it's good enough to buy.
Little Johnny: I think Uncle Joe wants to buy Mom.
What was the orphan's favorite cartoon show?
"Fairly OddParents."
My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home, lol.
Your mama is so ugly, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.
You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?
Oh, ate the cheese? Urmom.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home base to run to.