Family jokes
Why can't an orphan hit a home run?
They have no home to run to.
Why can't orphans use iPhones?
Because they can't press the home button.
Why can't orphans play games?
Parents signed.
Why can't orphans go to school? They can't attend parent-teacher conferences.
The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.
The only people who do yo mama jokes wish they had a mom.
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
Why did your father go away?
'Cause he needs da milk.
Why do orphans die when a tornado comes?
They don't have parents to protect them.
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
Why can't I be gay? I have nobody to call "daddy."
"I want to kill my family."
-realizes-
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know home base.
I asked a child where their parents were. They started to cry. I laughed and walked out of an orphanage.
Rapunzel's hair is longer than your dad's existence.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't see home.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?
Because they don’t have a Mother's nor Father’s Day.
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.