Family jokes

Why did Mom cross the road?

To kill you!

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they can't call anyone their dad.

Dad: Johnny, Johnny?

Johnny: Yes, Papa.

Dad: Getting women?

Johnny: Yes, Papa.

Dad: Telling lies?

Johnny: No, Papa.

Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!

I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?

What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"

If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.

"Bill swift here, you make them, we take them!"

Are you a marry, because you are my mother?

What is an orphan's least favorite game?

44 Homes.

When your cousin dies and everybody thinks you're her.

FUCKING MENT

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What do you call an orphanage?

A parent-less shelter/homeless shelter.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”

I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!

I asked a kid where their parents were...

Lol

I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"

What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.

Why can’t an orphan play GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."