Family jokes

Die you potato.

I baked you a pie.

Oh boy, which flavor?

Pie Pie Pie Pie.

Dad, I'm hungry.

Hi hungry, I'm dad.

Why did you name this way?

Why Why Why?

Why can orphans play baseball?

They can’t find home plate.

Imagine me being 12 feet taller than your dad.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To try to find his parents, but it was FREAKING USELESS!

I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.

Why do orphans play with Barbies?

So they can have a home :)

Why can you not let an orphan touch an iPhone 7? Because it would break if they touched the home button.

Hi Freshfry, hi Alex, I did not see your messages yesterday because I was at my brother's soccer game, and then people came to our house till 11:00. Lol, sorry :)

Yo mama looks like the dinosaur from Lilo & Stitch.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apes get picked.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.

My grandfather is a great fisherman, especially at baiting a rod.

I guess you could call him the Master Baiter.

Why in Alabama people don't use doggy style... Cuz you don't turn your back to your family.

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*

When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!

Me: What do you call an orphan?

Friend: Homeless.