Experience jokes
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
Life is like a box of chocolates, they f*cking melt :)
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
I hope every time you watch YouTube, you get 30 second unskippable ads!
Nothing is lost until Mom can't find it.
One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.
Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"
Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."
*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵
Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
I had a good day.
I did have a good night, and I did a good night, and I had fun, and I had to.
Me: Have you ever tried African food?
You: No.
Me: They haven't either.
Been watching Smackdown DVDs, and I'm so erect right now. I'm so bricked up.
I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was on LSD. "I See a Dreamer."
As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"
Hi, oooo was the day I was a kid. I was going home to school today after dinner!