“Hey today was great” “What happened” “I ran into my ex today” “What’s so great about that?” “I was in my car”

School shooting happens

Foreign exchange student: Sobbing under desk

American student: “First time?”

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.

“First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the coroner.

“Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.”

The inspector then asks, “What about the third body?”

“Ah,” says the coroner, “This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning.”

“Why is he smiling then?” asks the inspector.

“He thought he was having his picture taken.”

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work…

He’s a suicide bomber.

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. “What happened to your face?” I asked.

“I’m a Paralympian,” he replied.

“Boxing?”

“No, … hurdles.”

What happened to the blind man’s son. He thought he was hitting a pinyata.

A Blonde crashed A Helicopter. A Police Officer Asked Her What Happened. She Says, “It Got Cold So I Turned Off The Fan.”

what happens when a emo kid loses a kahoot he gets a 25 kill streak

What happens when a cow jumps over a wire fence

Udder destruction

What happens when a clock is hungry It goes back four seconds.

What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at you’re pun?

Looks like someones funny bone is broken😁

What happens when Stephen hawking dies? The windows shutdown sound plays.

3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says “Okay I’d like you to point to wherever it hurts”. So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says “Here. Ow.” She then pokes her arm and says “Here. Ow.” She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say “I know what’s happened to you.” “What’s happened to me??” The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, “You have a broken finger.”

I’ve just started reading my first ever Braille horror story and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? – It was given two consecutive sentences.

One day a snail got robbed by 2 turtles, once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, Snail said “I dont know it all happed to fast”!

How 9/11 Happened!:

Hey Bush, Truth or dare

A german soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, “What happened?” and the soldier replies, “Hail hit her.” (say the joke aloud and it will make more sense)

what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?

you find the real one.

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