Observation jokes

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

Your hairline's so far back, you need binoculars to see it.

Man, your hairline is so far back, archaeologists couldn't find it.

I C U P works on 88% of people.

"Chris, I just saw five fat people, and you are one of them."

There's something on your chin, no, the third one down.

Are your forehead and hairline old friends because they go way back?

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.

Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.

What do you call a dick that's too small to see?

Tick-tack dick.

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones.

North Tower: "Hey, South Tower, we can talk later; I gotta catch a plane!"

Ted stinks!

I look at your bro.

And all I can see is the real definition of *"Lack of Grace!"*

Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.

Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of studying and dying?

What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?

They both see things they shouldn't.

Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."

Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."

To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"

My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.