Observation jokes

My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.

There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.

Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.

I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!

What do you call a dick that's too small to see?

Tick-tack dick.

Yo hairline is so long, when you looked in a mirror you saw an entire endangered species.

Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.

I C U P works on 88% of people.

You should wear binoculars when calculating. It helps divide.

People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.

"Hey, how do I look?"

"With your eyes, Joe."

How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.

Son: Really?

Also 2 hours later:

Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.

Mom: Son, I-

Well, it really do be like it shouldn't, but it is.

Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?

I saw a kid sitting on the side and asked if he was an orphan, “what gave me away?” “Well, your parents, for a start.”

I waved to you before, but you never sea me because you're so washed up.

One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.

Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.

Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."

When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"

Your hairline's so far back, you need binoculars to see it.

Man, your hairline is so far back, archaeologists couldn't find it.