Encounter jokes

When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!

Who is the first person an orphan sees? The doctor.

I was lip to lip yesterday, and now I can't get the cum out of my mouth.

What did the slaves say when they met their soon-to-be masters?

"Aaah, a ghost!"

So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.

The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

I met him once, but he wouldn’t give me his autograph!

One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.

I went for a swim in the river that crosses Mexico, and I saw a Mexican, aka a wetback, swimming across. I asked, and he said, "I'm a wetback."

Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"

One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me, so we went and rocked the minivan like, "Giggity, Giggity, Giggity!"

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

I wish my name was Voyager 2...

So I could have the first encounter with Uranus. :)

If you look at this joke, you are going to meet a Catholic priest tomorrow.

Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”

Person 2: “Seven.”

Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”

Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”

(Based on an encounter I had recently)

Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.

Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?

Woman: No, really?

Man: Well, the one I fucked did...

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?

The Captain's Log.