Morbidity Jokes

Anonymous

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, whats your emergency?” The hunter replies “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”

Cranbox

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read "its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path." People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

The demon

When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.

Weeb

Wife:Honey im pregnant

Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad

Wife:No you're not

Anonymous

China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat

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Natalie

My family is like a treasure...

You need a map and shovel to find them.

Person

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

Anonymous

An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator not a lift" and "it's chips not crisps" etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted "they're schools, not shooting ranges".

Anonymous

"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."

The Indiscriminate

I saw an Isis video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."

Bloodcurdling scream

They laughed at my crayon drawing

I laughed at their chalk outline.

Anonymous

What was Steven Hawking's last words?

The windows xp log out sound

Anonymous

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

Anonymous

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

The Milkman

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already

(optional)

The Toaster;

other wise known as, the ultimate bath bomb.

Anonymous

Ever heard of the show naked and afraid? thats what i call hide and seek with my uncle.

Korbin

Why are the twin towers mad?

They ordered pepperoni pizza but all they got was plain.

Sneakyjew

There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel - Crackling of fire - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you - Cats purring

GRUCK

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."

The room was full of arm amputees.

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