Experience jokes
I hear scientists have been experimenting with a new diet at Cornell University: just straight meat for 7 hours a night, all night long, with a side of alcohol to keep the shop open.
I went through this once... It's not funny... Please... stop.
What's the difference between a priest and customer service?
At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.
How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?
I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
What kind of experience does a feminazi have for being a feminist?
Being a bitch.
I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.
Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.
I got sad today.
"Oh, you’re still talking? I thought background noise was supposed to fade out after a while. Must be tough waking up every day knowing your personality was a failed experiment."
Life's full of ups and downs :D <3
Ever tried African food?
Neither have they.
Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...
Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God!
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors?
Because you can’t look up to them.