Experience jokes
What's the difference between a priest and customer service?
At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
What kind of experience does a feminazi have for being a feminist?
Being a bitch.
I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.
Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.
I got sad today.
"Oh, you’re still talking? I thought background noise was supposed to fade out after a while. Must be tough waking up every day knowing your personality was a failed experiment."
Life's full of ups and downs :D <3
Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...
Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God!
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors?
Because you can’t look up to them.
You will remember reading this for the rest of your life.
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!
I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.