Ex Jokes

I once had a trash can as a girl friend I was ready to break up with her but all she had to say was "please don't dump me" then I said "sorry i'm ready to take out the trash"

Ur butt is bigger then my ex-girlfriend’s butt and I love it

ex-bf's gf: your so ugly as hell me: oh did I mention that i was trying to be you

What do the twin towers and my ex have in comman? The both fell on my dad.

Our soon to be ex Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims He should fund proctologists too cause he'll likely need both after prison.

Peanuts are hard to crack just like my ex wifes heart

Build your ex a fire and their warm for a day.

Set you ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence

What do you call lesbians having sex? My cheating dyke ex wife!

37. After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting... "Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!" Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time".

38. An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "The soup is cold." His astonished mother exclaimed, "Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?" The boy looked at her and replied, "Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."

39. A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, "How long will it take me to get to the next town?" The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes!" "Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?" "Didn't know how fast you could walk".

40. A Husband and Wife at Custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife. Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?" Ex wife: "I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him." Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason." Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband. Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?" The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?"

“Ouch!” “What’s wrong?” “I stepped on a screw.” “Are you ok?” “I’m in ex-screw-xiating (excruciating) pain!”

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red? My ex wife.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend so I fuck her, turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about. And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her but this time it was her Identical triplet. There 3 of them.... AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!