Ex Jokes

This morning I was having a conversation with my ex boyfriend about reincarnation I said to him if you could come back in the next life as anything what would you come back as and he thought about it for a minute and says a tree that way everybody can look at me and admire me. Then he says the same thing to me I started thinking about it when these two sexy half naked studs walked by one was a jock the other on his bicycle I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat but knowing my luck I'll come back as a tampon

“Ouch!” “What’s wrong?” “I stepped on a screw.” “Are you ok?” “I’m in ex-screw-xiating (excruciating) pain!”

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red? My ex wife.

Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. so when i was little, i met this girl. her name was Leah. we were besties for a while until i turned 13. then i asked if she wanted to date me. she said yes! but one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. i was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3

One day someones ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat and her ex boyfriend was there and gave her an apple next minute she had clamydia. What did the boyfriend do?

When you have an ex you will notice that the word ex is short for exicuted so thats there for yous

So my ex who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though will has a better haircut then me but anyway when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat. Then I told her she has the wendys logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit I was done Anyways she cried lol

Money is power and power is sex. Sex is ex and ex is virgin.

If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shity book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me...

37. After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting... "Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!" Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time".

38. An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "The soup is cold." His astonished mother exclaimed, "Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?" The boy looked at her and replied, "Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."

39. A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, "How long will it take me to get to the next town?" The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes!" "Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?" "Didn't know how fast you could walk".

40. A Husband and Wife at Custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife. Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?" Ex wife: "I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him." Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason." Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband. Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?" The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?"

i got hit by a bus but the bus was my ex

i broke up with my ex girl friend hears her numba

sike thats the wrong number

ooooooooooooooooooooo

I had the worst day of my life, my 13 rear old EX got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard, did I mention that we were in Syria?

I was hunting at night for deer and then I found one and shot it, I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...

My girlfriend broke up with me today but it’s ok, She said we can still be cousins.

I took my son to a drivers school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident" (I gotta go pay him out of jail)

Can't anyone relate to this? BEAT WATERSHARKY!!! -Oops!-By- Air Attack Productions and Yung Gravy-Ayy, supercalifragilisticexpiali dope shit Supercalifragi lick my ex be on some ho shit Superman, I get dem bands but ain't gon' buy you roses Super-duper get them cougars, took my wrist and froze it Super-duper hoes Y'all got Oompa Loompa hoes I ain't never knew ya hoes Prolly still ran through 'em, though

Oh, wait, wait, I, I do know your ho? You talkin' 'bout, you talkin' 'bout Tracy? Nah, you mean like, like, Tracy with the ass? Tracy with the, with the Honda? Shit, well

Oops, baby Fuck up on your bitch, like oopsy daisy Never knew that was your boo, baby Hit her five times in the coupe, Mercedes, whoopsie daisy Oops, baby Gravy hit my bitch, yeah, whoopsie daisy I just tryna hit, it's my duty, baby Sippin' on the goose, like Boosie, baby Yeah, I said oops, baby Fuck up on your bitch, like oopsy daisy Never knew that was your boo, baby Hit her five times in the coupe, Mercedes, whoopsie daisy Oops, baby Gravy hit my bitch, yeah, whoopsie daisy I just tryna hit, it's my duty, baby Sippin' on the goose, like Boosie, baby

Lil' bitch, I'm happy and I know it so I clap them fuckin' cheeks, yeah I'm happy and I show it to your momma in the sheets And I'm happy she's a freak ho, happy so my teeth glow Yeah, my bitch elite, I be clapping every week My neck, my back, got your momma on my sack My checks, my racks, it's the return of the motherfuckin' mack And I stay with the pack, though Clap, clap, then I'm out the backdoor Lil' Pillsbury, I stack dough Walkin' with a limp, like a crack ho

Yeah, I said oops, baby Fuck up on your bitch, like oopsy daisy Never knew that was your boo, baby Hit her five times in the Coupe, Mercedes, whoopsie daisy Oops, baby Gravy hit my bitch, yeah, whoopsie daisy I just tryna hit, it's my duty, baby Sippin' on the goose, like Boosie, baby Yeah, I said oops, baby Fuck up on your bitch, like oopsy daisy Never knew that was your boo, baby Hit her five times in the Coupe, Mercedes, whoopsie daisy Oops, baby Gravy hit my bitch, yeah, whoopsie daisy I just tryna hit, it's my duty, baby Sippin' on the goose, like Boosie, baby