Evers jokes

My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.

If you're ever bored just fuck some orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Have you ever seen Helen Keller's dog?

Neither has she.

An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.

Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!

Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.

Doctor: I didn’t.

Have you ever seen that weird ad that pops up at the bottom: sexy Russian babes looking for men older than 30, and they're 18, so is it a reverse pedo? Oh well.

I am the worst joke ever. Get it? My whole life is a joke.

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?

Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.

That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.

So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

If a computer was an apartment, the only passage would be the windows.

It would have had doors, but why was it ever spelt DOS?

A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.

Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'

Did you ever see any white men drowning in the Atlantic Ocean?

Yeah, it went on and on.

What’s better than the best thing ever?

Me being mod.

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?

Yeah, neither has he!

If you’re ever bored, then go outside and punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell, their parents?

I wonder if Stephen Hawking has ever watched Avengers: Endgame... Oh wait, he can't.